Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
