WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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