Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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