i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
