I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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