it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
