I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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