when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
