Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
