I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
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I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
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And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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