I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
