Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
