i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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