If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
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My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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