I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
