I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You pole danced in your parka.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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