You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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