Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize