It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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