Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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