Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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