i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
