Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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