I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
