cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
