In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize