I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Is it because I queefed?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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