An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
