i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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