I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
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Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
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Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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