But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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