Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I want to be your penis for a week.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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