I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
