Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
