Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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