I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
