a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
