I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
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I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
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I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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