Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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