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This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
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