Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
