Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition" http://tfl.nu/bud7
  Replies (8) Good night (1266) Bad night (3181)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  time to smoke my breakfast

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): time to smoke my breakfast http://tfl.nu/9r0k
  Replies (13) Good night (5309) Bad night (999)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man http://tfl.nu/tkk9
  Replies (29) Good night (9047) Bad night (1324)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed.. http://tfl.nu/gekz
  Replies (34) Good night (5753) Bad night (1181)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland? http://tfl.nu/lpb9
  Replies (25) Good night (3126) Bad night (5677)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed" http://tfl.nu/2s0k
  Replies (6) Good night (1176) Bad night (2750)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back. http://tfl.nu/pu4u
  Replies (18) Good night (4558) Bad night (2258)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school. http://tfl.nu/qubm
  Replies (5) Good night (1888) Bad night (631)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland http://tfl.nu/keo1
  Replies (7) Good night (1499) Bad night (634)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally! http://tfl.nu/l12k
  Replies (3) Good night (1411) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while http://tfl.nu/v6v9
  Replies (2) Good night (628) Bad night (405)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles (507): We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it. http://tfl.nu/cujh
  Replies (2) Good night (665) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."

  (347): View more from New York

  What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND." (347): What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls. http://tfl.nu/5x5n
  Replies (4) Good night (1054) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past." http://tfl.nu/7k27
  Replies (5) Good night (1322) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages. http://tfl.nu/bzh0
  Replies (0) Good night (180) Bad night (258)

Randomize