i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.