Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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