How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together