hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
