There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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