Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
