He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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