We got so high we made milksteak
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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