It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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