I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
do herpes really smell.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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