I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Is this like a preordered booty call?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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