Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
