Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
