i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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