Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
