my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
