I wish you could order shots online.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
