i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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