Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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