i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
