I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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