i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.