Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT