Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
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I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.