Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?