Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?