His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
