Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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