Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
