I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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