also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
